Episode 15/Transcript
(Judith and Rachel are grooming themselves in front of a mirror) Bridget: Judith, your motorcycle is parked behind my car. Can you move it. Now? Rachel: We'll be out in a minute. We're just getting ready for school. Judith: Yeah, we're the popular girls now. Bridget: Somehow I doubt that. Rachel: No, it's true Bridget. Judith: That's why we're taking so long. Rachel: Popular girls take their time. Bridget: I don't think it's gonna matter how long it takes to put on a troll shirt. Just hurry. I have a doctor's appointment. I have one of those dead twin thingies. Rachel: We'll be ready when we're ready. Bridget: How bout you be ready now or those eight episodes of Pretty Little Liars on the DVR get "accidentally" erased. Rachel: You wouldn't. Bridget: Really? I've been huffing paint with homeless guys behind the Ambica Foods on Metcalfe just to feel alive. I have nothing to lose. Rachel: We should probably get going. Judith: Your sister's so mature. Rachel: That's a word for it. (Judith and Rachel are walking down the hallway) Rachel: Isn't this so much better now that we're popular? Judith: I know everything feels so different. I hardly even recognize us. Rachel: Hey, what's up bro? (The blond boy walks past) Judith: Wow! Rachel: He gets it. Judith: He didn't even curse at us or anything. Welcome to the new reality. (Brittnay, Trisha, and Mackenzie walk over) Judith: Hey, what's up sluts? Rachel: So what are we all doing later? Some real popular girl stuff, like sex with boys, or shopping with our parents' money? Trisha: Ew. Brttnay: What the fuck are you talking about? Judith: You know, us popular girls need to stick together. Mackenzie: Oh. My. God. You think that just because you won prom queen, you're popular now. Trisha: Yeah even I'm not that dumb. Rachel: But... but... I gave a blowjay to every boy in school. Judith: And I was watching the door. Trisha: So important. Mackenzie: That doesn't make you popular, that makes you a whore. Judith: But Brittnay's a whore, and she's popular. Mackenzie: Yes, but Brittnay's also a cheerleader. It's easy to be a whore. Brittnay: It's super easy. Mackenzie: In order to be popular, you have to combine your whorishness with another talent, like cheerleading. And the only talent you two have to offer... is your mouths. Judith: Actually, I won't have full control of my mouth for another 18 months. Mackenzie: Oh Jesus Christ you're a fucking train wreck. Brittnay: Ugh, seriously, who in their right mind would subject their penis to a cage match with that? Judith: Oh, I don't know, how about—like, um... Rachel: You don't know, do you? Judith: No, not at all. Rachel: So, if I understand you correctly, you are saying that we are not popular. Brittnay: The day I hang out with you is the day I floss my fucking teeth. Mackenzie: Yeah! Wait, what? Trisha: Brittnay, you really should be flossing twice a day. Gingivitis can actually lead to cancer. Judith: It's true. That's how my dad died! Mackenzie: Alright, that's enough of that, we should probably go. It'd be a shame if we skipped class just to waste an hour explaining to you how the world works. Trisha: It's simple science. Mackenzie: Brittnay, I'm going to let you take it from here. (Trisha and Mackenzie walk off) Brittnay: Well, Rachel Tice. It looks like it's that time. Judith: Wha—what time is that? Brittnay: Time for you to shut the fuck up Rachel Tice! If you're done shoving all those dicks in your mouth, why don't you go eat a roly-poly like you did in the goddamn third grade! Judith: Whoa, I think I'm going to pass out. (Brittnay walks off) Rachel: Today, you do not get my tears, Brittnay Mathews. Judith: Wait a minute, you ate a roly-poly in the third grade? Rachel: I thought it was something else! (Ashley is shown wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses) Ashley: Psst... psst... Uh, heard you're having a problem with the cheer squad. Maybe I can help. Rachel: No thanks, we already kind of did that. Judith: Yeah, didn't go over too well. Rachel: We're just going to go do our own thing now for a while. Ashley: Cool cool. Okay. Judith: Later. (Rachel and Judith walk off)